By the Grace of God

This is a little out of my comfort zone, but I guess that's where God likes me. That's where He likes all of us. Vulnerable and broken of our ways, with only Him left to lean on.

In June of 2011 I went to Haiti. While that was a life-changing experience in and of itself, it had no competition against what meeting my 2 'future' siblings would do to me.

For the better part of my life our family has been trying to adopt. First locally, then we moved on to internationally. It wasn't that big of a deal to me, at first. We'd been trying and anything but succeeding for a while and this was just another try. Well, that's what we thought. We thought we weren't succeeding, that's what it felt like.

But then we were thrown into 2 little lives, that would change ours. Forever.

 When I met them, I fell in love completely. So it's no wonder why my mom did also. 

But as time went on, more and more complications kept coming up with the adoption. It became more of a heartache than a blessing, more hurtful than joyful, and we were all worn out. But my mom kept fighting. She hasn't given up, even to this very day. And I respect her so much for that. It's taken so much for her to keep going. 

Even though I haven't told her yet, she's set an amazing example of endurance for all of her kids. So, when we finally succeed, which I have faith that we will, and the Lord decides to bring those kids into our home, they're going to see that their mama never gave up. 

Although I didn't tell many people this, I did give up. In my pure selfishness I gave up. I said "there's too much back and forth, I can't deal with this anymore." or  "I'm too young to be worried about this, I don't want to know anything else. If it happens, it happens, until then don't tell me about it." 

It hurts me to write those words. The fact that I could have so much selfishness in my heart makes me sick. But God knew where I was at. And he let me be there. He let me wallow in self pity and selfishness.

Until today.

Today He woke me up, smacked me around a little and then graciously showed me a way that I could help out.

He showed me my selfishness of letting my mom carry the burden of raising money, of being here and not there with them, of being strong emotionally. That's not how it's supposed to be. Galatians 6:2 says "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Sometimes I forget, in all the 'mom' stuff, that my mom is still my fellow sister in Christ. Or however that works. We're still bound in Christ, and I can't deny that.

So how can I help her? How can I make this a little bit easier? I'm not really sure.

But I'll start by this: If you're feeling led to help out financially, please, please PLEASE do.

It's really the only thing left standing in our way. And we now have a deadline. SO if you know anyone who is looking for a way to help out, or you yourself are feeling lead to help PLEASE make it happen. My mom has been trying and we haven't been getting too much response. Not to say we haven't been blessed through the whole journey by so many, and we are so grateful for that. And we still need your help!







So this is my way of trying to branch out to a new group of people. I know you may not have extra money laying around (I mean who does in this economy? Not most people) BUT there are some that do. Or that are willing to sacrifice to help out. So maybe it's not you, but I'm sure you know someone. So please get the word out there. Talk to your friends about it, your friends parents, everyone. Please help us bring these sweet babies home.

Thank you.

xKassiex

Life's a Journey

I've been encouraged multiple times recently to write about my story. To go back to day one and write down my journey. Whoa. Just thinking about that makes me want to crawl under a rock.

Not because I don't want to, but because I know I have to. And it's going to be HARD. And it's going to take a lot of time. Lots of fear and tears and emotions, and searching my heart and racking my brain.

My story is a little bit different from everyone else's. But if I know that one person can benefit or someone can be left with a sense of comfort it will be worth it. So for now, I'll write down the bullet points, little memories that come to mine. It's gonna be a long story. It's a long journey.

Maybe one day I can get it all together and have a beautiful piece of work that marks God's hand all throughout my life so far. That's my prayer.

xKassiex

Country Boy's World

No, this post is not about some country Prince Charming that I met. I wish. But it IS about my Savior, who far surpasses any country boy, or his truck.

Preparing for my flight back home from the Dominican Republic after a month, got me thinking about my flight out of my home state and then out of my country.

I love my country, I'm not a super political person (ok, who am I kidding, I know nothing about politics) but I do know that I love North Carolina. I really don't ever want to leave, so I told the Lord that unless he picks me up and puts me somewhere else, I plan to stay. This is home for me. My family is here, my friends are here, my amazing church is here. SO, as far as I'm concerned, I'm staying. We'll see what the Lord has planned for me.

Let's just say I..HATE..flying. Every part of it: the airport, security, taking off, landing, baggage claim, customs. ALL OF IT. It stresses me out to no end.

I mean I'm not sure why anyone would think this is fun.

But on the way out of the US I had a super-natural peace. Security went very smoothly, I found my gates without any problem, I even had someone to talk to on my flight from Miami to Puerto Plata.

My least favorite part, however, is landing. The no electronics thing really kills me. SO I plugged into the American Airlines country radio station, ya know, the one that only plays one hit wonders and lots of old Taylor Swift? What can I say, desperate times call for really desperate measure. But as we were landing Country Boy's World by Jason Aldean came on, which just so happens to be one of my favorite songs that isn't on regular radio.

I know you guys are laughing right now. It sounds really silly, I know. And the fact that I'm writing about Jason Aldean is probably making you want to stop reading. But don't..that's not why I'm writing. I won't go off on a tangent about how much I love his music..or him. ;)

Preparing for both of my flights I prayed countless times that the Lord would comfort me. In some way that I'd be able to recognize that He was there with me. And, although small, I was still comforted. He knows what puts my heart at peace and He put those things in my path through all of my traveling.

On the way home I met a team from a church in TN. They were the sweetest people I've ever met in my life. They started talking to me and then invited me to dinner in Miami with them and helped me through customs. It was perfect. God always knows exactly what I need, right when I need it.

I am so grateful for those sweet people from TN and for God's grace and close comfort through my travel.

This got me thinking even more. What little comforts do we miss that God puts in our daily path? When we're at wits end with our pre-nursing classes and don't think we're cut out for it only a month into it (oh, maybe that's just me). What are we missing in the business of life? I can guarantee it's a lot. Because when I take the time to slow down and listen to God, he blows me away. Every time.

So maybe this a challenge for you, but mostly for me: To stop with the craziness of this overrated life we're living here on Earth and look up, and have renewed hope of the eternal life we're working toward everyday.

xKassiex

Last Few Days

I've fallen behind on my journal entries once again. So here's to catching up..

7/26/12:


This last week has flown by so fast! It's been quite a roller coaster of emotions for me so far. I was having a hard time before with missing home and adjusting here. But now that I only have a week I'm really starting to enjoy every moment here. Starting to see the beauty of this place through different eyes.

That's how it tends to go, right? We spend our time miserable and pitying ourselves when we don't like what we're seeing or feeling but when we finally step back and look at the blessings, it's almost time to leave.

In 1 Thessalonians 5:16 it says "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Tough stuff, huh? Yeah, I sure thought so.

I mean how much can I really complain about?

So, what to do now? ..REJOICE!
Be thankful in every circumstance while I'm still here.
Pray when I can feel myself getting angry and frustrated with the people around me.
Spend as much time in the Word as I can.
Take every opportunity to fulfill God's will for me here.
And most importantly:
Be satisfied with my time here and also, be so happy to go home to my family.
All praise to God for getting me this far.

I think that we get too wrapped up in our discomfort for our own good. Sure wherever we are may not be too pleasant.

Whether it's the small dorm room you got, the house you had to downgrade to because of the economy, the used car you had to buy just to get around, whatever it is; glory to God for providing just what we need. For never leaving or forsaking us. And for giving us everything we need in His perfect timing.

Now, easier said than done, I know. 

Having air-conditioning in your car is quite nice. (so I've heard, none of our cars have working air-conditioning.) Or having the bigger dorm is nice. Or having an extra bedroom in your house for guest is nice. It's all nice. But that's where we go wrong. We've made "nice" into "necessity" for our comfort.

So let's all step back and redefine our necessities. I promise we're all holding onto something nice when we really just need the necessary.

xKassiex

Joyfully

"What joy, what joy for those whose hope is in the name of the Lord. What peace, what peace for those whose confidence is Him alone!"

This song really captures how it feels to have hope and peace in the Lord. 

Pure joy. 

You don't always feel it. But when you do, it fills you up to overflowing. 

When you're focusing on God and not on Earthly things, and how you can make yourself happy, He can blow you away with His timing.

I've been working on that a lot lately. Trying to find my hope and peace in God instead of searching this world for things, or people, that will satisfy me. And let me tell you, He's blowing me away.

I was trying to call my friend's phone the other day, and since I'm out of the country I have to use Skype. Well, my account was out of credits so I got on my dad's account. Much to my surprise and delight one of my favorite people in this whole world was online.

It's been forever since I've talked to her. After she moved everything got busy. (When I say forever, I really mean less than a year, but that's forever in my book. Going from everyday to almost a year, that's forever.)

I was ECSTATIC. Like a little girl in a candy shop. I was giddy and giggly the whole time. I couldn't even contain my excitement. 

It was so good to see her sweet face. And her sweet little boy. I love that little guy. I wish I could've gotten to know her husband more before they left, but I'm sure there will be a time.

It was so good to see her and know that she's doing well. E-mail just doesn't cut it sometimes. Although she answers (MOST) of my e-mails, it's still so great to see her face.

She has been through so much with me. Thick and thin, she never gave up on me. 

And I'm forever grateful for that.

I never would've guessed that a teacher would turn out to be someone that I respected so much, and walked so closely with, throughout high school and into college.

I've come so far in my life and my walk with the Lord since I saw her last. I wish she could be here to walk side by side with me through this next part of my life. But, apparently that wasn't in the Lord's plan. And that's ok. I'm really proud of her and what she's doing now, even though it's not what I would've chosen. :)

If it was MY plan, she'd be right here helping me study for this dang math entry exam that's looming over my head. And sitting on her front porch sipping tea, reading, talking, laughing and crying. Her face lighting up when she sees me making progress in anything.

She's really good at that. She makes you feel so accomplished over the smallest things. Like every baby step you take is a huge leap in her eyes. That's one of my favorite things about her. It's really refreshing from the negative world we live in today.

I really miss her, a lot. Her smile, her laugh and her sweet, soft, yet (often) confrontational words and advice. (what can I say, I was a freshman in high school, I needed it. Don't we all? :))

OH, and her awesome teaching. She was by far THE best teacher I've ever had. She's the best, I can guarantee.

Her face will light up any room she walks into, and I know she's lighting up rooms all over the place now. I just can't wait to see her face in person again.

Until then..If I could say only one thing to her, it would be: Thank you.

I don't think I ever really told her that when she was home.
But I am so thankful for her life in mine.
For what she has invested in me and my life.
For the emotions she felt for me when I wasn't really sure what to feel.
For all the time, tears and laughs she poured into our relationship.
And for the effort she continues to give to keep up with me and my life.

So...thank you, thank you, thank you.

A million times, thank you.

I love you.

xKassiex

Friends of God

During one of the night worship times we were singing Nothing but the Blood. A song that we've all sung countless times.

I think that sometimes when we know a song that well, the words lose their power. Kind of like we're mindlessly just singing the melody while our mind wanders elsewhere: who we're gonna hang out with after, what kind of pizza we're gonna have delivered to the dorm, and unfortunately, the reality of the to-do list we have when we get home. Any number of things can go through our minds while we're singing words that have lost their meaning.

To me that's not very worshipful. So when I find my mind wandering, I stop singing and just read the words on the screen. So that's what I did during this song. Just read the words, and closed my eyes listening to the many voices in the room singing and worshipping the same God.

As I was listening, one lyric hit me really hard. It wasn't new or different, but just focusing on the words can point out lyrics you never really paid attention to before: "welcomed as the friends of God." It took my breath away.

That God would welcome us, not just 'let' us, but welcome us. As friends. When we had done absolutely nothing to deserve it, while we were filthy and ashamed, He welcomed us all the same.

I think we have the tendency to choose our friends based on our similar interest. What activities we're involved in, mutual friends, even sometimes looks.

As if the lyric didn't hit me hard enough, the pastor got up and read 1 John 5:1 "Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child has well."

He welcomed us when we were dirty and broken, as friends.

So who are we to choose or not choose people, to be our friends, because of their circumstances?

We have to love them if we love God. No matter how different we are, how weird we think that person is, what our other friends think..it doesn't matter. If we love God we will love His children. Because we're "Welcomed as the friends of God."

xKassiex

Creed Reflection-Better Late Than Never, Right?

Creed is always an emotional week. Everyone laughs, everyone cries, everyone has a good time, someone always loses their key. Although, this time, that someone would be me. *what's that sound? Oh, that's $25 going down the drain.* 

We stay up way too late, dance to funny songs, and eat way too much junk food. Usually because the food is, well, camp food. It's always a good time. All emotions and joking aside, though, we have to step back and see what happened spiritually. 

This year our topic was Assurance in Faith. We had some really great teachers to sit under and I walked away very assured. This year was more of a silent moving in my heart, instead of a very emotional response, which I think is better. For me, at least. 

I've seen so many people tweeting and updating their statuses saying how they never keep up with what they learned or experienced at Creed. That the week they get home they go right back to being their normal selves. Not changed in the least.

I think sometimes we get caught up in the emotional high that comes from being at camp and not really being able to escape hearing about Jesus. 'Forced' to do a quiet time. It just kind of all falls into place. But to me, the more important part is what we come away with and what we bring back home. 

We can cry every night, jump and dance in worship, know all the songs by heart by the end of the week, but if we don't daily remind ourselves what we learned..We'll never walk away truly changed. It's the invasive and uncomfortable stuff that happens, in the heart, that matters. 

Some people walk away really changed, some people walk away with the same dark secret they came with and go right back home to it. 

1 John 1:5-7 says "..God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin." 

I don't know about you, but no where in that passage does it say "if you jump up and down and sing really loud at church camp, you are in fellowship with Jesus." So, as uncomfortable as it is, you have to rip away the surface and deal with what's underneath to really start to change. 

As much fun as this can be..

This...

And this...

And as much as I LOVE this sweet time every year...

Are we really focusing on this?

freefoto.com

Because in the end isn't that why we're here? 

To bring glory to Him?

Sure, it's hard. And seems impossible. But do you really think dying on a cross for someone else is any easier? When you did absolutely nothing to deserve it? Well, I don't know from experience..but I can guarantee it wasn't. We have a choice. We can walk away changed, or we can go back to our old ways. 

So I want to challenge you, and myself, with this: 

What have you been putting off that you know the Lord has been telling you to do? Whether it's to let go of a relationship that you know is bad for you, to reach out to someone who is hurting, to forgive someone that you've held a grudge against a day too long, or to turn away from that thing that captures your heart and takes your eyes off Jesus..I'm not really sure. But you are. 

So take the step and listen to what the Lord is doing in Your life. It's not gonna be easy, but He's not gonna let you down. I promise.

That's my challenge to you.

xKassiex

A Trip to 'Paradise'

Today we went to La Sirena. A mix between Walmart and Sam's club. Really a glimpse back home for us women who like shopping. OK..what woman doesn't like to shop? It's paradise. Although, tonight I wasn't feeling well. I was tired and really just wanted to be in bed.

Regardless, It was a 30 minute Caribe Tours bus ride there and back. The boys were really patient as we waited.

Honestly, I think it's the most relaxed I've been since I've been here. I put my headphones in and had a little guy on my lap and off we went. We bought some goodies for Aslan's upcoming birthday and had dinner in the cafeteria upstairs.

On the way back it was dark and raining. Perfect.

They turned the lights off in the bus and I snuggled up against the window with my youngest cousin Shepherd. We put my earbuds in and got settled for the ride. As his little elbows were rested against the window pane I remembered him saying his favorite song was "Come Awake" or..Christ is Risen. Much to his delight, when the current song ended I put his favorite on. He could hardly contain his excitement. "I weally wike dit tong" (I'll let you decipher that one on your own. *hint* saying it out loud helps.)

As we continued to drive, I took the moment in. Head to head, hand in hand I listened to the words that the same little guy in my lap listened to. My heart was overwhelmed as he tapped out the rhythm on my hand and nodded his head with the beat.

Whether he can fully comprehend the lyrics of the song yet, I don't know. But God knew that I needed that sweet moment with a precious little boy to fill my heart up. And I pray that one day I can share a moment like that with my own children. I'm so thankful.

Adjusting 7/08/2012 (One day I'll be current)

We went to church today. It was quite an experience. Although it was hot and a very long service, I enjoyed it. I didn't understand anything that was said, but I know that the other people there sure did. It was really awesome to see how on a whole different island people that speak a different language and live a different life would be able to worship the same God that we worship in our overly air-conditioned church.

It really put in perspective how great North Wake is. I think sometimes being there every Sunday puts you in a routine. A routine that sometimes tends to make you less aware of how much there is at North Wake. I love my church. I can't wait to become a member this year. I have so many people that I love there. People that are invested in my life and well being, family, best friends for 9 years..It really can't get much better. 

And then of course there's always the occasional..choreographed dance. 

Wait..what? Oh, you'll see..

You just witnessed a week of hardcore practice. 

Ok just kidding, it was only several hours. But that's just another great thing to say about the relationships I have at North Wake. We can spend hours bonding..and dancing. And eating junk food. And talking about boys. It's really great. 

The whole gang.

Boy talk

Junk food and post-rehearsal card game

Best group I could ask for, honestly

Even though I'm moving on to another part in my life and my youth group days are almost over, I could not have a better support system. And I am forever grateful for the amazing people and, Lord willing, life-long friends that I've made through His Church.




Looking out at the ocean everyday, especially at sunset, is a great reminder that this world is God's and we're just here for Him. It's hard to live that way. Because the food is good, the weather is nice, we have some really great friends-it's really easy to lose track of why we're here when life is comfortable.

But let me tell you..waking up to this will put you right back in your place.

This double rainbow stretched from the water over past the other side of the house. God is so gracious in the timing of His reminders.

xKassiex

Arrival 7/07/2012

I'm really bad about updating. I write everything down. But by the time I get around to typing it, I have to change it all to past tense. This is from the day that I arrived in the Dominican.


I arrived in the Dominican Republic yesterday around 4:30 pm. My flights were pretty good for the most part-the Lord was definitely gracious.

I don't know about you, but this makes me a little queasy. 

I've realized I have a lot of underlying fears about trust when traveling. Sometimes my mind wanders without me knowing. Sometimes I catch it and put it to an end. Sometimes...I encourage it and let it go ridiculous places. Don't we all.

My goal for right now is to keep my thoughts captive. I stumbled across 2 Corinthians 10:5 in the plane and it says "..and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." Talk about God's timing. So that's my goal for this week. Not to fear man,  or planes, or crazy pilots, or disease, or death. But just live here, now, for Christ.

And as uneasy as that picture above made me feel..you tell me how uneasy this makes you feel..

I'd say it was worth it.

xKassiex